North Atlantic Treaty Organization

THE SANDMAN PROJECT – Episode Three

NORTH ATLANTIC
TREATY ORGANIZATION


INTRODUCTION

[CAMERA… While the credits are rolling, the camera pans across a desk. The desk is messy. On it as permanent features are: a half empty cup of black coffee, an ashtray with cigarette butts spilling over onto the desk, a baseball, a paper mache vase made by a child with plastic flowers in it, several framed pictures containing members of a family, a computer, a monitor running a screen saver, a Save the Seals button, a couple of pens, a laundry receipt, and a clear plastic candy wrapper. Photographs of the main characters of our drama are paper-clipped to folders scattered across the desk. One folder is open. The main character David Faster smiles at the camera. The page opposite is marked up in red ink.

[MUSIC… a harmonica piece in the vein of the Rockford Files plays in the background. Overheard is a taped audio message from the School Board describing Mr. Faster’s supply teaching assignment for that day.
“Mr. Faster your assignment today is in Political Geography. You will be replacing Miss Anacin. If you should smell something foul in your classrooms please do not draw attention to it. Several of our students are extremely sensitive as well as being from wealthy and influential Windsor families.”
[CAMERA… After the credits have appeared the screen cuts to white and then slowly copy begins to roll up the screen:

“Government has too long been left
the sole responsibility for the education
of the young people of our province.
The private sector has a role to play
in the future of our nation.
Where better to mould the minds, skills and souls
of our children than in the market place.
The future is too precious to do any less.”
Assistant to the Deputy
Minister of Education
Province of Ontario, 1995
FIRST SCENE


[CAMERA… Shot of opening title:

REVELATIONS AND REGRETS

FADE to white. CUT to CLOSE UP of Faster’s face. A cigarette hangs out of a five o’clock shadow. A new picture hangs on the wall behind him. It is a poster of Lee Harvey Oswald.

MEDIUM SHOT… Faster takes the cigarette out of his mouth, punk like, and spits on the floor. He takes another puff of his cigarette, drops it onto the floor and grinds it out with his boot.

FASTER: “I was a patsy! They used me. Everyone used me. I was passed around like the queen of spades in a game of broken hearts. You learn a lot of things in the slammer. First, you learn how to apply lipstick when you’re told to. Second, you learn that everyone, one hundred and fifty percent of the inmates, are innocent. Third, you learn to play cards. Everyone plays Fish. It’s so bloody boring in here. They call it hard time. Everyone is waiting, waiting for their time to be done. Prison is the only place on the planet where time runs backwards. I shouldn’t have trusted Marvellous and Howl. Hell, I was only a kid. What did I know?”

[CAMERA… CUT to CLOSE UP of Faster’s face.

FASTER: “I accompanied Ellen Ellery to the elegant but highly overrated Anchor Inn. There was a listening device, planted in our salad bowl. Hell, who expects to find a bug in the lettuce? What did they think they could learn? That I had a hot chicken sandwich? That Ellen had the special, speckled trout? And almost chocked on a bone? That sometimes you just can’t help it? It just leaks out.”

[CAMERA… CUT to shot of Faster pounding on Ellen Ellery’s back as two waiters try to pull him off her.

CUT to Faster in his cell smiling. He produces a toothpick from behind his ear and begins to pick at his teeth.

FASTER: “The management wanted to press charges. But Ellen revived coughed up the tooth and cleared up the misunderstanding. I didn’t know that trout had teeth. After a couple glasses of wine, Ellen dropped the motherlode. A rival educational supply firm in Windsor was offering discount supply teachers to the Ministry of Education. Genova Educational Services. Paul Man, Genova’s managing director, was a known felon with underworld contacts in Detroit. I didn’t know what to think. I offered to drop Ellen off at her place but she declined. So I left her in the restaurant and returned alone to my room. There was a note awaiting me at the motel office. I was to take a train the next morning for Windsor. Of all the one horse God forsaken dumps in Ontario, why did they have to choose Windsor? I tried to get some sleep but all I could think about was Paul Man, and his gangsters, and their big guns. The next morning I grabbed a taxi for the train station. I was early so I wrote my first report to Mr. Howl. At 8:20 I boarded the train and sat at a window. The trip was uneventful except for a small fire in the men’s room.”

[CAMERA… CUT to Faster in the train washroom sneaking a smoke.

MEDIUM SHOT of Faster leaving the washroom.

MEDIUM SHOT of smoke slipping out from beneath the washroom door.

CUT to stewards with fire extinguishers rushing into the washroom, while passengers in the train are in a panic, screaming and running down the aile of the train.

CUT to shot of Faster being grabbed as he attempts to open an emergency hatch and jump from the train.

CUT to Faster in his cell.

FASTER: “I denied everything. When they asked why I was trying to leave the train, I said I was just trying to get some fresh air. Upon my arrival in Windsor, I compared the prices of three rent-a-car agencies finally deciding on a cab. I bought three chocolate bars, which I ate sequentially. On the way to the Constellation Hotel, I noticed that there seemed to be an awful lot of laundromats in Windsor. Too many! The influence of the criminal underworld was everywhere. I was grateful that I’d had the foresight to purchase a firearm.”
END OF SCENE ONE

SECOND SCENE
[CAMERA… Shot of title:

ORDERING FOOD

FADE to white. CUT to Faster and Ellen walking along Gordon Street. Ellen greets several sailors and they to begin to follow the couple.

CUT to Ellen and Faster running down the street followed a few moments later by the three sailors.

CUT to Ellen and Faster cutting into an alley. The sailors run passed the alley. Faster and Ellen share a cigarette.

CUT to 3 sailors coming back to the alley and spotting Ellen and Faster in an amorous embrace.

CUT to Ellen and Faster running down the alley. The 3 sailors are running behind them.

CUT to Ellen and Faster slipping into the back entrance of a shop. Moments later the 3 sailors run passed the now closed door.

CUT to Ellen and Faster in a sex shop. Ellen is checking out various dildos and vibrators. Faster is looking around expecting to see the sailors.

CUT to Ellen and Faster reading the menu in front of the Anchor Inn.

MEDIUM SHOT of Faster and Ellen sitting at a table.

ELLEN: “Do you always walk that fast?”
FASTER: “I thought it was a good idea to keep a few steps ahead of your friends.”
ELLEN: “They weren’t friends of mine.”
FASTER: “I wish you’d told them that.”
CAMERA… A waiter approaches the table.
ELLEN: “You weren’t wearing high heels.”
FASTER: “Why did you have to ask those sailors for the time?”
WAITER: “My name is Jeffery. I shall be your waiter this evening. Would you like a beverage before you order?”
ELLEN: “I forgot my watch.”
FASTER: “And was it necessary to ask that sales lady about her recommendations in vibrators?”
ELLEN: “Don’t take that tone of voice with me. If you need to know, I was trying to catch my breath. I never met anyone who was so unfriendly.”
FASTER: “They had more on their mind than a friendly chat.”
ELLEN: “Men!”
FASTER: “What’s that supposed to mean?”
WAITER: “I’ll return when you’re ready.”
ELLEN: “It means what it means. And try and keep your voice down.”
FASTER: “God, I’m starving. Where’s our waiter?”
ELLEN: “The service is usually good in this place. Why don’t you go up to the bar and get us a drink?”
FASTER: “That’s not my job. The waiter should do that.”
ELLEN: “Get me a drink!”
FASTER: “I won’t. Besides, it was your idea to come in here.”
[CAMERA… some time passes. Eventually the waiter returns.
WAITER: “Have you decided?”
ELLEN: “I need a drink.”
[CAMERA… Faster is looking at his menu.
FASTER: “Why aren’t there any prices on the menu?”
ELLEN: “Let’s just order.”
FASTER: “I’d like to know. I am a customer and I have the right to know why there aren’t any prices on the menu.”
WAITER: “It isn’t the policy of the Anchor Inn.”
FASTER: “You’re a restaurant, aren’t you?”
ELLEN: “I’ll have a martini. Two olives. I’m starving.”
WAITER: “And the gentleman?”
FASTER: “I haven’t made my mind up yet.”
[CAMERA… the waiter departs. Ellen turns and slaps Faster on the forehead.
FASTER: “That hurt!”
ELLEN: “Just order, stupid!”
FASTER: “He pissed me off. No prices. Let him sweat a while.”
ELLEN: “Why do you have to be so difficult? I told you it was my treat.”
FASTER: “You’ve missed the point completely.”
ELLEN: “I think I’ll have the trout.”
FASTER: “Are you sure?”
ELLEN: “I love fish. Try the fish.”
FASTER: “What about mercury poisoning?”
ELLEN: “Don’t worry, David. I can guarantee that you won’t suffer any brain damage.”

END OF SCENE TWO


THIRD SCENE
[CAMERA… Shot of title:

MAKING TELEPHONE CALLS

FADE to white. CUT to Faster sitting at his table in the Anchor Inn. He turns to the camera and begins to floss his teeth. Behind him Ellen has begun to choke. Faster clears his throat and addresses the camera.

FASTER: “As soon as I got into my room at the Constellation Hotel in Windsor I asked reception to make a long distance call to Toronto. I missed Mums. In the meantime I took a shower and flossed my teeth. I love to floss. Wonderful invention. Must have been the ruin of the toothpick industry. I got out some sandpaper. Extra rough. My feet were killing me. Calluses build up on my feet so much that I’m sure a blacksmith could put a shoe on each of them. The phone rang.”

[CAMERA… CUT to shot of Faster sitting on his bed picking up the phone from the bedside table. He turns to the camera.

FASTER: “I could hardly hear Mums at the other end of the line.”
[CAMERA… SPLIT SCREEN… Faster is on one screen. On the second screen is a balding middle-aged gentleman. He is in bed with his wife who is sleeping beside him. He has his hand over the phone and is whispering. His name is Honey Buns.

HONEY BUNS: “Hello.”
FASTER: “Hi Mums!”
HONEY BUNS: “Is that you Janet? Do you have any idea what time it is?”
FASTER: “Oh Mums, I do hope you are keeping yourself well. Have you got the air-conditioning on? Don’t worry about the cost. If we can’t afford to stay cool what’s the point of living is what I always say.”
HONEY BUNS: “I can hardly hear you. How can I stay cool when you’re phoning me at home? Myrtle is right beside me. Her sleeping pills don’t always work. If she finds out about us, I’ll be out on the street.”
FASTER: “What was that Mums? We haven’t got a very good line here.”
HONEY BUNS: “I can’t speak any louder.”
FASTER: “You sound upset, Mums. Use a Phillips screwdriver to adjust the air. It’s very muggy in Windsor but I’m managing. The rash is under control.”
HONEY BUNS: “How do you expect me to react? I got you an apartment. I helped you with your singing career. I even let your brother move in with you. I thought we had an agreement. No phone calls.”
FASTER: “Don’t overfeed the goldfish. And the cat. Feed the cat or there’ll be no goldfish in the morning. I’m still not sure why Marvellous sent me here. It looks like I could be gone indefinitely.”
HONEY BUNS: “Of course I still love you. And I’m happy when you’re happy. That doesn’t make everything marvelous.”
FASTER: “Good to hear, Mums.”
HONEY BUNS: “I’m not sure about that brother of yours. Let him get a job. And it’s got nothing to do with him being black.”
FASTER: “There are extra light bulbs under the kitchen sink.”
HONEY BUNS: “Yes, Little Jack misses you too, Poopsy. Little Jack is very lonely. He wants to play in the…”
[CAMERA… CUT to one screen. Honey Buns has just noticed his wife waking from her sleep. She glares at him. He smiles sheepishly and hangs up the phone.

HONEY BUNS: “Wrong number, dear.”
[CAMERA… CUT to Faster on the phone.
FASTER: “I’d better go now, Mums. Call you on Tuesday. Love you.”
[CAMERA… Faster hangs up the phone. A tear run downs his cheek. He looks around for a Kleenex. Not finding one, he grabs the sheet of the bed and blows his nose.

END OF SCENE THREE


FOURTH SCENE
[CAMERA… Shot of title:

CLASS DISCUSSION

FADE to white. CUT to classroom where Faster has written North Atlantic Treaty Organization on the blackboard.. He points to an Asian student who is wearing a kerchief over his long dreadnoughts. Close-ups of Faster and each student’s face as they speak.

FASTER: “Can you tell me what NATO means?”
KERCHIEF: “Who cares, bro?”
FASTER: “It’s an organization that was set up after the Second World War.”
KERCHIEF: “Just a bunch of white men telling the black man how to live their lives.”
FASTER: “Not exactly.”
[CAMERA… A black girl in braids puts up her hand.
BRAIDS: “Are you saying they weren’t white men?”
FASTER: “Well, yes they were white men.”
KERCHIEF: “Just what I said. The white man is always trying to run the lives of the black man. We don’t need school to teach us that.”
BRAIDS: “Why are you running your mouth? You ain’t black.”
[CAMERA… boy with shaved head stands up.
SHAVED HEAD: “Why are Negroes always complaining? All that prejudice stuff happened a long time ago.”
KERCHIEF: “Watch your back, whitie!”
GIRL IN RED PIG TAILS: “My daddy says that all black people end up in prison.”
KERCHIEF: “The white man’s prison. Keep us locked up so that you can violate our black women.”
BRAIDS: “We ain’t your women!”
BLOND GIRL: “Denzel Washington is cute.”
GIRL IN RED PIG TAILS: “I didn’t know that he was black.”
BOY DRESSED IN SUIT WITH WHITE SHIRT AND TIE: “In Russia everyone is white.”
KERCHIEF: “This is America, Igor, not Russia.”
BRAIDS: “No, it ain’t.”
BLOND GIRL: “My grandmother is from Bermuda. Does that make me black?”
[CAMERA… CLOSE UP Faster’s face. It is beet red.
FASTER: “Shut the fuck up!”
[CAMERA… LONG SHOT… The room is silent.

END OF SCENE FOUR

FIFTH SCENE
[CAMERA… Shot of title:

DIALECTICS

FADE to white. LONG SHOT of Ellen Ellery staggering out of the Anchor Inn by herself. As she almost loses her balance she is grabbed by two men in overcoats , each one taking one of her arms. She is quickly escorted into a dark limousine waiting at the curb.

CUT to a dental office where Ellen is strapped into a chair. Lewis stands to one side of her. Dr. Glimbach dressed in a white suit steps into the room.

ELLEN: “You’ll never get away with this.”
LEWIS: “Of course we will.”
ELLEN: “Why am I here?”
LEWIS: “All in good time, my sweetie. All in good time.”
DR. GLIMBACH sings: “Please allow me to introduce myself. I’m a man of wealth and taste.”
ELLEN: “Who the hell is the dork in the white suit?”
LEWIS: “So nice that you could come at such notice, doctor. I speak for everyone in the Union when I say that we have admired your work.”
ELLEN: “Why am I in this dental chair? My head feels funny. I think I’m going to barf.”
DR. GLIMBACH: “Relax, my dear. Everything unpleasant passes in time.”
LEWIS: “Everyone at the home office has heard of your wonderful work in Herzogovina and Argentina. That interview you had on CNN with Larry King was so enlightening. It gave a friendly face to modern torture.”
ELLEN: “Torture!”
DR. GLIMBACH: “There’s a great future in torture. I always recommend it to my students.”
LEWIS: “You are too modest, doctor. I read your published lectures from U.C.L.A. Fascinating material.”
[CAMERA… The doctor snaps on a pair of plastic gloves. He bends over Ellen and pries open her mouth.

DR. GLIMBACH: “You have a build up of plaque, my dear. And I think I spot the beginnings of what could be serious dental decay. And you might cut down on your cigarette smoke. The smoke yellows the teeth.”
ELLEN: “Do that again and I’ll bite your fucking fingers off!”
LEWIS: “I understand that you consider the Americans amateurs in the field.”
DR. GLIMBACH: “No patience. Always going for the quick answer. Torture is like a good stew. It needs time to bring out its flavour. And such shabby dressers. I’m sure they buy everything off the rack.”
[CAMERA… The doctor picks up a drill and turns it on.
ELLEN SCREAMS
DR. GLIMBACH: “Applying pain is a gentlemen’s business. After all, we are not animals.”
ELLEN: “What do you want to know? I’ll tell you everything.”
[CAMERA… The doctor places a stick between her teeth. Ellen squirms in her seat, trying to speak. Her words are inaudible because of the stick.

LEWIS: “Who would you say inspired you as a young boy? Who were your heroes?”
DR. GLIMBACH: “My older brother, Ernst. He loved to play with cats. What a way he had with animals. And there was Mr. N at the barbershop. It was an inspiration to see a razor in that man’s hands. And we used to play with the neighbourhood girls. What fun we had! And I read a lot. My mother said that I would go blind reading. I was especially fond of the material the Vatican has on the Inquisition. And medical texts. I loved those drawings of the internal organs of the body. It’s not true that the body is made up mostly of water. It’s mostly made up of blood.”
[CAMERA… Ellen is violently squirming in her seat. The doctor changes the bit on the drill in his hand. Lewis turns and slaps Ellen across the face. For a moment she is frozen in shock.

LEWIS: “Behave now! The doctor is talking.”
DR. GLIMBACH: “I think that the greatest influence upon my work has been the Good Lord himself. Imagine allowing your only Son to be crowned with thorns and then to have strangers drive nails into his feet and hands. Absolutely delicious! And then the spear in the side. What a marvelous touch!”
[CAMERA… Ellen manages to spit out the stick in her mouth
ELLEN: “For Christ’s sake, ask me something! Yes, I read the National Enquirer. No, I don’t shave under my arms. Yes, I have used various cylindrical devices as sexual appendages. But never on Sundays!”
DR. GLIMBACH: “She is an excitable young lady. I like that.”
LEWIS: “What do you know about the Sandman Project?”
ELLEN: “Sandman? I never heard of any project.”
[CAMERA… The doctor pries open Ellen’s mouth again with another stick. He bends over her with the drill. Ellen vomits.

END OF SCENE FIVE


SIXTH SCENE
[CAMERA… Shot of title:

POLITELY EXCHANING GIFTS

FADE to white. LONG SHOT of room. David Faster is handing a package over to another man, a principal, who sits behind a desk. Faster takes a seat opposite him.

CLOSE UP of principal. He is a well conditioned gentleman in a sharp gray suit. His receding hair line is well tanned and handsome.

FASTER: “I hadn’t expected such a handsome man.”
PRINCIPAL: “Excuse me.”
FASTER: “A lovely desk. Is it mahogany?”
PRINCIPAL: “Veneer. Now, shall we get down to business? Good. This is the package you were asked to bring me.”
FASTER: “Yes.”
PRINCIPAL: “Very good. I’ll talk to the president of our student council. Peter is quite an enterprising young man. He’ll know what to do with it.”
[CAMERA… The principal unlocks a door in his desk and drops the package inside. He removes a second envelope and hands it to Faster. Then he locks the drawer and places the key in his pocket. Faster looks at the envelope in his hand.

PRINCIPAL: “You understand that this interview has never taken place. You never gave me the package.”
FASTER: “What am I supposed to do with this envelope?”
PRINCIPAL: “You don’t know?”
FASTER: “No. I don’t know anything.”
PRINCIPAL LAUGHS: “Of course you don’t. Very good. But you do know who to give the envelop to.”
FASTER: “I know nothing!”
PRINCIPAL: “Of course you don’t. Very good. You give it to the party that gave you the package?”
FASTER: “What package?”
PRINCIPAL: “The package you just gave me.”
FASTER: “I never gave you a package. You told me that I didn’t.”
PRINCIPAL: “You gave me a package. I put it in the locked drawer of my desk and then I gave you that envelope. If anyone asks you, you deny everything. Do you understand?”
FASTER: “Of course.’
PRINCIPAL: “Now about the package…”
FASTER: “Is this a test?”
PRINCIPAL: “Just give the envelope to the person who gave you the package that we are going to deny ever existed.”
FASTER: “Right! Got you! What’s in the envelope?”
PRINCIPAL: “You don’t know?”
FASTER: “I know nothing.”
[CAMERA… Principal glares at Faster. Faster smiles meekly.

END OF SCENE SIX

SEVENTH SCENE
[CAMERA… Shot of title:

A MATTER OF EXPENSE

FADE to white. LONG SHOT… back in Toronto at the offices of Marvellous Educational Supplies and Services. Bill Marvellous’s office. The shades are drawn. Ron Howl paces back and forth across the room. Bill Marvellous sits behind his large oak desk. In a darkened corner is the faint image of a child sitting in a chair. His legs do not touch the floor. The child is the dwarf, the Sandman. There is no sound in the room. The whole scene should be shot as one continuous long shot.

MARVELLOUS: “I must tell you sir that my confederate here at Marvellous Educational Supplies and Services, Mr. Howl, is an advocate for the termination of our agreement.”
HOWL: “Terminate is perhaps too harsh a word, Bill, too final. I prefer that well worn but nevertheless cogent phrase - reallocation of assets. It seems to me that we have a great deal to lose in this venture with an uncertain payload at the project’s end. I’m not just thinking of a capital loss but of the number of loyal employees who would lose their positions should this venture fail. And of course there is the further consideration – we may all go to prison.”
MARVELLOUS: “Don’t get Harry wrong, Mr. Sandman…”
HOWL: “It’s Ron, Bill.”
MARVELLOUS: “Ron is as solid as they come. Nerves of steel. Harry and I have spent time in the foxhole and I know I can rely on him. I’d trust him with my wife. Perhaps not my wife, (chuckles) but I would trust him with my wallet. Harry believes in harmony, a balance between advantages and disadvantages, profit and loss, risk and reward. I hope I’m not being presumptuous; sir, but you and I are from the swashbuckler school of commerce. Harry is a vegetarian in the business jungle. You and I, sir, are meat eaters. Still I have found it prudent over the years to give ear to Harry’s caution. It has saved me considerable grief, not to speak of money.”
SANDMAN: “Gentlemen. First of all let me say that it is a great pleasure to meet you both. Your reputation precedes you. We know so little of each other. It is only proper to offer you an insight into the nature of the man you are presently engaged. Mr. Sandman is a man of culture, a man of sensitivity and refinement. God, can’t you stop pacing back and forth!”

[CAMERA… Ron Howl stops in his tracks. He takes a seat in one of the chairs off to the camera’s right.

SANDMAN: “Thank you. Mr. Sandman was born into an old world family that placed a premium on taste, manners, and eloquence. Neither indolence nor frivolity were abided. Lessers were always treated with humanity and patience. Superiors were treated with respect and silence. The rule of the family – no matter the consequences, keep your word. Mr. Sandman approached your firm in good faith. He made a proposition that could benefit both our businesses. Marvellous Educational Supplies and Services accepted that proposal. You were taken at your word. Do not disappoint Mr. Sandman.”

[CAMERA… Ron Howl stands up, thinks better of it, and sits down again.

SANDMAN: “Mr. Sandman entered this project with the full knowledge that there were some risks. Gentlemen, life is full of risks. Be assured that Mr. Sandman has no intention of failing. Failure is not allowed.”
MARVELLOUS: “Thank you, sir. You certainly have put any misgivings I might have had to rest. Would you like to add anything, Harry?”

[CAMERA… Ron Howl stands up to speak, thinks better of it, and sits down again.

HOWL: “Thank you, Bill. I don’t want to take up too much time so I shall limit myself to two points. First, let us address your assertion, sir, that life is full of risks. Certainly we agree, but the point is, are the risks involved unfavourable to the outcome of this project? And are these risks being equally shared by both parties in this partnership? Secondly, let us direct our attention to the question of rewards. Are we at Marvellous Educational Supplies and Services being compensated fairly for the large involvement in time, manpower, and money?”

[CAMERA… There is a long pregnant silence finally broken by Bill Marvellous.

MARVELLOUS: “Thank you, Harry. I think we all appreciate your candor. Mr. Sandman?”
SANDMAN: “May we smoke?”

[CAMERA… Bill Marvellous takes his box of cigars and quickly steps across the room to the Sandman and offers him one of his Cubans. The Sandman takes a cigar.

CLOSE UP… Brief glimpse of the Sandman as he lights his cigar. His features are hideous. A pock marked face with a long scar that runs down one cheek.

LONG SHOT… Bill Marvellous returns to his seat behind his desk.

SANDMAN: “A sensitive nerve has been struck this afternoon. It goes to the core of what Mr. Sandman believes is the cause of the decline of the West. That problem, gentlemen, is greed. Everyone wants more. Everyone wants a bigger slice of the pie. What happened to self-sacrifice and industry? We all need to share in the abundance of the harvest. It is greed that will jeopardize the success of our mission, gentlemen. The prisons are filled with avarice. It pains Mr. Sandman to hear those with whom he has joined in sacred matrimony, stoop to such a rebuttal. Gentlemen, let us be satisfied.”

[CAMERA… FADE OUT to darkness.

CUT to Ellen Ellery waking up in bed and screaming.

END OF SCENE SEVEN


EIGHTH SCENE
[CAMERA… Shot of title:

PICKING UP THE ENDS OF THE DAY

FADE to white. LONG SHOT of David Faster stepping out the front doors of a high school. A janitor is off to one side picking up garbage.

MEDIIUM SHOT… Faster smiles, looks at the janitor and steps over to speak to him. The janitor is an old man with red hair that has been bleached gray. His face is marked with lines of sadness.

FASTER: “Another day and another dollar.”
JANITOR: “The day never ends.”
FASTER: “I guess you get tired of picking up after these kids?”
JANITOR: “There is more going on here than picking up garbage.”
FASTER: “Ah yes. Youth learning. It’s very exciting.”
JANITOR: “More than that, sir. Kids have been smoking up out here.”
FASTER: “Drugs! Right in front of the school?”
JANITOR: “They’re not afraid of us, sir. They’re not afraid of the police. They’re not afraid of their parents. Fear has been eliminated, sir. It makes life very dangerous for all of us.”

END OF SCENE EIGHT

END OF THE THIRD EPISODE

Terminal Moraines

THE SANDMAN PROJECT – Episode Two

Terminal Moraines


INTRODUCTION

[CAMERA… While the credits are rolling, the camera pans across a desk. The desk is messy. On it as permanent features are: a half empty cup of black coffee, an ashtray with cigarette butts spilling over onto the desk, a baseball, a paper mache vase made by a child with plastic flowers in it, several framed pictures containing members of a family, a computer, a monitor running a screen saver, a Save the Seals button, a couple of pens, a laundry receipt, and a clear plastic candy wrapper. Photographs of the main characters of our drama are paper-clipped to folders scattered across the desk. One folder is open. The main character David Faster smiles at the camera. The page opposite is marked up in red ink.

[MUSIC… a harmonica piece in the vein of the Rockford Files plays in the background. Overheard is a taped audio message from the School Board describing Mr. Faster’s supply teaching assignment for that day.

“Mr. Faster. Your assignment today is Our Lady of Lourdes School. You will be replacing Miss K’s grade 9 Geography class. The children are studying erosion.. Do not park your car in the staff parking lot. The board will make no restitution for damages incurred.”

[CAMERA… After the credits have appeared the screen cuts to white and then slowly copy begins to roll up the screen:

“Government has too long been left
the sole responsibility for the education
of the young people of our province.
The private sector has a role to play
in the future of our nation.
Where better to mould the minds, skills and souls
of our children than in the market place.
The future is too precious to do any less.”
Assistant to the Deputy
Minister of Education
Province of Ontario, 1995
FIRST SCENE


[CAMERA… Shot of opening title:

BEFORE AND AFTER THE CAMERA

FADE to white. CUT to a very tight shot of David Faster’s face. We are back in the jail cell. Faster’s face sinks into his hands as he bows. Behind him on the wall is a photograph of a middle-aged matronly woman smiling kindly. Faster is muttering something inaudible. He takes a cigarette out of a pack from his shirt pocket, lights it up, then passes the cigarettes to someone off camera.

FASTER: “Funny how laughter can make you sad. After we dropped Lewis off at his hotel, Miss Leigh told me a funny joke about Swedish food. I laughed and then said no more. I felt utterly alone in the world. Miss Leigh tried to strike up a conversation but I just sat there staring out the cab window as we moved slowly north on Gordon Street. What a lonely name for a street. It seemed to take forever for the cab to blaze a trail through the university grounds. The cab driver, a Sikh, kept pointing out various sights, turning around each time to make eye contact with us. Miss Leigh implored him to keep his eyes on the road. He laughed. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so sad. When the cab finally came to a stop at Our Lady of Lourdes School, I hesitated to step out. I looked at Miss Leigh. I suppose my anxiety showed because she took my hand and squeezed it. On the steps of the school I watched the cab move away. Inside my hand was a business card – New Frontier Motel, which Miss Leigh had slipped into my fingers, which is where I ended up hours later. In my room alone again. Staring at the walls, waiting for the morning to arrive and my next assignment, waiting like some poor creature crawling across the floor of the sea and wishing.”

[CAMERA… CUT to Faster unpacking.

CUT through a shower curtain. Faster is taking a shower. Turns on water. Yells. Water is cold.

CUT to Faster on the phone. A series of phone calls in which all we see is Faster dialing and a CUT to him putting phone down and CUT to Faster dialing.

LONG SHOT of Faster leaving motel and running across the street toward a bar. He is almost run over by a cab. The driver, a Sikh, sticks his head out the window and curses at Faster. Faster steps into the bar.

CUT to Faster at the bar ordering a drink.

LONG SHOT of a tall blonde woman wearing a white skirt and a loosely fitting white blouse approaching Faster at the bar. They begin to talk. Her name is Ellen Ellery. She is Australian. Faster grimaces.

ELLEN: “Is something the matter?”
FASTER: “I’m sorry Miss Ellery. I’ve nothing against Australians. You’re the first one I’ve met. Let me be blunt. It’s your accent. You’re a beautiful woman but your voice screeches. Like finger nails on a chalkboard. Your voice is giving me a headache.”

[CAMERA… Noticeably upset Ellen Ellery roots around in her purse for a cigarette. She takes out a lighter and hands it to Faster. He lights her cigarette and puts the lighter in his own pocket before Ellen Ellery reminds him that it is her lighter.

ELLEN: “Shall I speak in an American accent?”
FASTER: “Would you? That’s awfully decent of you.”
ELLEN: “How about a southern drawl? Or perhaps you would prefer someone from the Bronx or maybe the mid-west? I come over here to hit on you and you complain about my accent! This is not my day.”
FASTER: “You’re upset. I didn’t mean to offend. I’m sorry but I’m very sensitive to sound. My mother taught me sign language when I was a child.”
ELLEN: “Your mother was deaf?”
FASTER: “No. She just thought it was a way of keeping the house silent. We never had a television or a radio. Mother abhorred the sound of the human voice. Today I was supply teaching a class of teenagers. They wouldn’t stop talking. My nerves are shot.”
ELLEN LAUGHS: “I’ve had a rotten day as well. I’m a reporter for the Toronto Star. I was sent here to cover the labour turmoil between the teacher’s union and the board of education. I must have interviewed a dozen people. No one would talk. God, I just want to get drunk.”

[CAMERA… CUT to white. The following scenes are presented as a series of slides which have brief if barely noticeable movement.

CUT to Faster falling asleep in a chair by the window of his motel. His feet keep falling off the window sill.

CUT to Faster being woken up by a telephone call

CUT to Faster taking a shower

CUT to Faster rumpling up the bed to make it look like he had slept in the bed

CUT to Faster in a local McDonald’s having breakfast

CUT to Faster sitting at a desk, his head in his hands as students mill around talking and laughing as if he weren’t there.

CUT to Faster entering a gun shop.

CUT to Faster inside his motel room with Miss Leigh

CUT to Faster at the train station. He is being watched by a stranger outside the office window.

CUT to Faster in a bar talking with Ellen Ellery

CUT to Faster and Ellen Ellery in his motel room. They are sitting in chairs side by side looking out the bedroom window. Ellen’s hand is in Faster’s pocket moving up and down.

CUT to Faster and Ellen Ellery in their chairs fast asleep

END OF SCENE ONE

SECOND SCENE
[CAMERA… Shot of title:

ASKING DIRECTIONS

FADE to white. CUT to Faster on his way to his teaching assignment. Walking up and down streets. He is lost.

CLOSE UP of Faster, bewildered. He sits down on the curb of a street, head sunk in his hands and begins to whine.

LONG SHOT from across the street at Faster. There are various sounds in this shot including the passing of cars, a dog barking, someone skateboarding. In the background barely audible is the sound of a grown man weeping. Several people pass by, glance down and continue on.

LONG SHOT…An old wino walks up to him, pats him on the shoulder and offers him a drink from the bottle in the paper bag he is holding. Faster shakes his head.

LONG SHOT… An old woman stops and admonishes Faster with gestures about his sitting on the curb. She whacks him across the shoulder with her cane.

LONG SHOT… A shopkeeper rolls out a barrel of dirty water and not seeing Faster pushes the barrel over. A river of muddy water washes up and around Faster and into the curb. A passing cab throws more of this water onto Faster.

LONG SHOT… A policeman steps up to enquire into Faster’s situation.

CLOSE UP… of cop’s congenial smile.

COP: “Can I help you, sir?”

[CAMERA… MEDIUM SHOT of Faster and cop. Faster looks up with a dumb doe like expression.

FASTER: “Help me? Nobody can help me. I am beyond redemption. Why do these things happen to me? Why not some other poor bastard? What did I do to deserve this? What was my crime? Haven’t I always tried to be a decent sort? I’ve always paid my taxes. Did everything by the book. Never broke a rule. But I keep stepping into it. Just keep stepping into it!”
COP: “I’m sure it’s not as bleak as you’re making it out to be, sir.”
FASTER: “Oh, it’s bleak alright! I think I know when things are bleak. Ten minutes from my motel and I’m lost. I’ve never been in this God forsaken town before…”
COP: “I’ll be asking you to watch your language, sir. We wouldn’t want that sort of language to fall into the ears of our children.”
FASTER: “Children! What do I care about a bunch of no neck little creatures?”
COP: “Sir!”
FASTER: “Oh, I’m sorry constable. It’s these bloody streets. None of them are straight and they keep changing the names. They seemed to have been allowed to wander around as they please. Hasn’t anyone heard of town planning? There aren’t even any proper intersections. If only Mums were here. Oh Mums, why has thou forsaken thee?”
COP: “Sir, I’ll be asking you for the last time to watch your tongue.”
FASTER: “I’m lost for Christ’s sake!”
[CAMERA… The cop takes out his night stick and for a brief moment considers using it on Faster.

FASTER: “Where the hell is Our Lady of Lourdes?”
COP: “It’s across the street.”
FASTER LOOKS UP: “Oh.”


END OF SCENE TWO


THIRD SCENE

[CAMERA… Shot of title:

CLEANING UP

FADE to white. CUT to Faster in a washroom. He is a mess. Examines his teeth. Turns on the faucet. The water gushes out and sprays across Faster’s trousers. Faster grabs some paper towels and attempts to clean the crotch of his trousers. He throws the paper towel in the garbage pail now already piled high with paper towels. Faster takes his trousers off and spreads them across the floor. He takes more paper towels and attempts to clean his trousers. He throws the paper towels in the garbage pail. Overflowing with paper towels he attempts to stamp the towels with his foot. His foot gets stuck in the pale. His attempts to kick the pale off are futile. He attempts to use his other foot to loosen his foot from the pail. Using all his strength he manages to release his foot but losing his balance ends up putting his now free foot into the toilet. Someone knocks at the door.

FASTER: “Fuck off!”

END OF SCENE THREE



FOURTH SCENE

[CAMERA… Shot of title:

OFFICE OF THE PRINCIPAL

FADE to white. CUT to a clean shaven smiling face of the school principal. He leans back in his chair. Light coming in from the room behind him makes him look like he was glowing. There is a pencil in his hand that he taps on his desk.

FASTER: “I am David Faster.”
PRINCIPAL: “Yes.”
FASTER: “How are you this morning?”
PRINCIPAL: “I feel guilty.”
FASTER: “Guilty? I’m sorry. Why would you feel guilty?”
PRINCIPAL SMILES: “Why do you feel sorry?”
FASTER: “I don’t know.”
PRINCIPAL: “Have you ever noticed how sad the light in the morning is? The light knows. Most people die in their sleep. Usually late in the morning. Just before most people wake up for work. Don’t you find that queer?”
FASTER: “Queer?”
PRINCIPAL: “Do you suppose that death wakes you up before it carries you off? Or do you die in a dream? In the dream are you a young boy swinging through the trees when your rope breaks? Or are you a young woman racing her sports car through winding mountain roads when you lose control? Or are you sitting down for a feast when the turkey stands up on the platter and lunges for your throat?”
FASTER: “I hadn’t actually given the matter much…”
PRINCIPAL: “These are the questions professional teachers ask. You must make your students nervous.”
FASTER MOVING UNCOMFORTABLY IN HIS SEAT: “Nervous?”
PRINCIPAL: “What about privacy? I’d like some privacy when I die. At the moment of death your muscles relax. All your muscles. Your bowels empty. Could you imagine the embarrassment if you died in a public place? Think of dignity.”
FASTER: “Dignity?”
PRINCIPAL: “I have survived the night. Why? Why was I allowed to live? What were my credentials? Who set up the criteria for death? Is there a list? Is there a test? Can you study for it? Who decides who lives and who lives and who sleeps in? Students sleep in. Teachers do not. Don’t let it happen again.”

END OF SCENE FOUR


FIFTH SCENE

[CAMERA… Shot of title:

BUYING GOODS

FADE to white. CUT to the front of a shop, Silentio’s Rod and Gun Shop.

LONG SHOT of Faster stepping into shop.

MEDIUM SHOT of Faster stepping into the shop and up to the counter. A clerk has his back to Faster. He turns around. The shopkeeper is a small thin spidery figure. Thin fragile glasses hang on the precipice of his pointed gargoyle like nose. He has a reclining chin. Above the small squinty eyes flickers a couple of dark eyebrows. A high pitch voice squeaks out between his thin quivering lips.

SHOPKEEPER: “Can I help you, sir?”

[CAMERA… MEDIUM SHOT of Faster looking around the shop. The walls are covered with different hunting rifles. There are photographs of hunters and their trophies. The camera SCANS the walls as if it were Faster’s eyes. In all these shots the camera should have the cross hairs of a rifle’s sights.

SHOPKEEPER: “Sir.”
FASTER: “Are you the proprietor, sir?”
SHOPKEEPER: “Yes, I am.”
FASTER: “Well, Mr. Silentio…”
SHOPKEEPER: “Alas, I am not Mr. Silentio. Old Johannes passed away several years ago.”
FASTER: “I’m sorry to hear that. Was he ill for a long time?”
SHOPKEEPER: “Mr. Silentio was bi-polar. He died of self-inflicted wounds. Death was instantaneous. He died on the very spot you are standing.”
[CAMERA… Faster smiles and steps to one side.
SHOPKEEPER: “I bought the business but never got around to changing the name. My name is Victor Eremita. Are you a hunter?”
FASTER: “Hunter? God no. My employer has instructed me to look for a weapon. Self-defense. Something that kills without an awful mess.”
EREMITA: “I must take this occasion to enquire if you have the necessary papers. There are very strict gun controls.”
[CAMERA… Faster produces some papers, which Eremita examines. Eremita smiles.
EREMITA: “Everything seems in order. Have you ever been in love?
FASTER: “Love. I suppose I have.”
EREMITA: “If you suppose then you haven’t fallen in love. That’s good. I sold a gun to a fellow last month who was love sick. Next thing I hear he’s shot himself, his wife, his mother-in-law, his unemployed brother-in-law, the brother-in-law’s wife. The police were not happy campers. So now I make it a point to ask questions. We have a nice selection of revolvers over here. Each one has its own story.”
[CAMERA… Eremita unlocks a glass case. He takes out several guns.
EREMITA: “This pearl handle Colt for example. This was used by an American general in Vietnam who unfortunately found himself in a position where the gun was no longer of any use to him. It would make a fine addition to anyone’s collection.”
FASTER: “It’s very beautiful, but a little too conspicuous. I was looking for something I could just slip into my pocket.”
EREMITA: “Grab a hold of this little gem. Doesn’t that feel cuddly? An old Jew owned it. Crazy bugger. Use to hear voices. Took his only son out to the dump one afternoon and pumped three into the kid. Claimed God told him to do it. The kid survived. The old man was committed.”
FASTER: “It’s a little heavy.”
EREMITA: “Try this nice snubbed nose job. I’m told that it has quite an effect on the ladies. What it lacks in size it more than makes up in sophistication. Splendid workmanship.”
FASTER: “It’s not a little too effeminate?”
EREMITA: “Certainly not. The previous owner was quite a ladies man. Unfortunately one of his lady friends reached into his pocket and fired the gun by accident. Blew his balls clear off. Just as well that he didn’t survive his injuries. I went to the funeral. Very moving. Many of the gentleman’s former lovers were there. Even some of the husbands showed up. They played that song Elton John sung for Princess Di - Candle in the rain. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house.”
FASTER: “I guess it will do fine. Does it include bullets?”
EREMITA: “Naturally. Cash or charge?”
FASTER: “Charge.”
[CAMERA… Faster hands a charge card to the shopkeeper. The shopkeeper turns his back on Faster and runs the card. He turns back and hands a card to Faster who signs it.

EREMITA: “Where is the gun, sir?”
FASTER: “Can’t I take it now?”
EREMITA: “I’ll have to process these papers first with the police. It’s just a formality. I can have the gun sent to your address or you could pick it up tomorrow.”
[CAMERA… Faster takes the gun out of his pocket and hands it back to the shopkeeper.
FASTER: “I’m over at the New Frontier Motel.”
EREMITA: “That’s fine. Let me guess your profession. Are you an insurance fraud investigator?”
[CAMERA… FASTER shakes his head.
EREMITA: “A diamond salesman?”
[CAMERA… FASTER shakes his head.
EREMITA: “You’re not a private investigator?”
FASTER: “I’m a school teacher.”
EREMITA: “And you need a gun?”
FASTER: “High school.”
EREMITA nods” “Oh, I understand.”

END OF SCENE FOUR

FIFTH SCENE

[CAMERA… Shot of title:

SWEET DREAMS

FADE to white. CUT to class room where Faster is sitting at the front desk. The students are watching him. Faster’s eyes keep closing and then opens as he jolts himself awake. And then he is asleep. Faster begins to snore. The students whisper to each other. One by one they slip out of the class. A long period of time passes. Faster is smiling, deep into a dream. The bell rings. Faster is jolted awake. He looks out. The class is empty.

END OF SCENE FIVE


SIXTH SCENE

[CAMERA… Shot of title:

MAKING CONVERSATION

FADE to white. CUT to LONG SHOT of Faster returning from a day of teaching. Opening motel room door.

LONG SHOT from across the parking lot at the window of Faster’s room. Sound of shower. Time passes. It gets darker outside. Someone walks passed Faster’s room. More time passes. Miss Leigh shows up at Faster’s motel room. She knocks. Faster lets her in. Time passes. A family of raccoons pass by Faster’s door. It begins to get very dark out. Miss Leigh leaves Faster’s room. The lights in the parking lot go on. A car pulls up next to Faster’s room. A middle-aged man and a young woman get out of the car and make their way into the motel room next to Faster’s. Faster now dressed in a fresh suit of clothes steps out of his motel room. He locks his door.

CUT to CLOSE UP of Ellen Ellery slouched over the bar. There are three empty glasses in front of her.

MEDIUM SHOT of Faster sliding onto the stool beside Ellen Ellery.

FASTER: “Ellen. What a coincidence!”
[CAMERA…. Ellen looks up from her drink.
ELLEN: “Who the hell are you?”
FASTER: “David Faster. We met the other evening. What are you drinking?”
ELLEN: “Are you the one from Chicago?”
[CAMERA… Faster shakes his head. He gets the bartender’s attention and orders another round.

ELLEN: “You’re the bastard who sold me that vegomatic! Cuts, dices, shreds! Damn near cut my finger off!”
[CAMERA… Bartender drops two more whisky sours. Faster downs his drink and asks for a second.

FASTER: “You’ve got a jump on me. Let me catch up. God, what a day I’ve had. A kid gave me the finger today. You can’t imagine how much I wanted to bite that damn thing off. I could have used your vegomatic.”
ELLEN: “You’re the one who doesn’t like my accent! Well, how does it sound now? Canadian whisky has drowned the Aussi out me. Buy me a drink!”
FASTER: “I just did.”
[CAMERA… The bartender brings Faster another drink. Ellen finishes her drink.
ELLEN: “Oh, God. I’m so depressed. And don’t go telling me it’s my period. I’m up to my watusi in that shit. A girl can’t feel a little existential without some bastard in a GI cut reminding you what time of the month it is. Do you think Sartre had his nose rubbed in the calendar? Okay, where’s that drink you bought me? I don’t see it.”
FASTER: “You just drank it.”
[CAMERA… Faster gestures to the bartender for another round.
ELLEN: “You’re born into a moderately wealthy family and everyone automatically assumes it’s a bed of roses. You’re born a beautiful and intelligent woman with an engaging personality with only a slight overbite and everyone assumes that life has been served up to you on a silver platter. Nobody says that to you if you’re fat, or ugly, or Estonian. It’s a burden. You don’t have to say it. Women envy me. They’re jealous of my looks, my figure, my sharp inquisitive mind, my career and the men that dote on me.”
[CAMERA… The bartender brings a couple more drinks.
ELLEN: “Don’t tell me I drink too much. Men are always telling me that. Nothing they can do will put a smile on my face so they get all jealous if I put a smile on myself. I don’t need to drink. I simply love the taste of liquor. What are we drinking?”
FASTER: “Whisky sours.”
ELLEN: “Gin is better. Reminds me of the taste of scotch tape. I love the smell of scotch tape. Became addicted at St. Mary’s Convent. Used to walk around the halls with tails of tape hanging off my chin. The nuns thought I was a lesbian. If a man drinks too much no one calls him a fucking fag. But a woman has so much as an independent thought and she’s a dike. Okay, I had one brief affair. It was college. Everyone was experimenting.”
FASTER: “I think we should get something to eat.”
ELLEN: “Did you see the way the bartender has been looking at me? It’s my tits. That’s what it all comes down to. Ever since I was twelve years old, men have been leering at me, pawing me with their stubby little white fingers. Everyone thought that short fat uncle Ernie was so loveable. He only took me to the movies on Saturday afternoons so he could brush the popcorn off my sweater. My knockers have been my curse. Men don’t notice anything else. They wouldn’t care if I had a face like a horse or legs like a table. Men are such sluts!”
[CAMERA… Ellen looks at Faster and smiles. Her face crashes to the surface of the bar. The whack of her head attracts the attention of others in the bar. Faster gestures to the bartender and pays the bill.

LONG SHOT… Faster puts one of Ellen’s arms around his shoulder and helps Ellen to her feet. They make their way with some difficulty toward the exit.

END OF SCENE SIX


SEVENTH SCENE

[CAMERA… Shot of title:

SELF-DEFENSE

FADE to white. CUT to medium shot inside Faster’s motel room. Miss Leigh puts a package down on a bedside table.

MISS LEIGH: “I picked up your gun. Someone dropped it off in the motel office.”
FASTER: “That was very nice of you. Do you think it’s necessary? Why does a teacher need a gun?”
MISS LEIGH: “It can’t hurt. Do you have the package that Bill Marvellous sent?”
[CAMERA… Faster gestures to the drawer in the bedside table. Miss Leigh opens the drawer and takes out the package. She puts it into the purse she is carrying on her shoulder.

MISS LEIGH: “You didn’t notice anything unusual today?”
FASTER: “Have you been inside a high school recently? Everything is unusual.”
MISS LEIGH: “I mean, did you notice anyone paying particular attention to you?”
FASTER SHAKING HIS HEAD: “Should I have?”
MISS LEIGH: “Don’t trust anyone. This isn’t Toronto. You didn’t look into the package, did you?”
FASTER SHAKING HIS HEAD: “Should I have?”
MISS LEIGH: “We may have more packages for you. It’s very important that you don’t mention any of this to anyone. So far, Mr. Sandman is pleased with your performance.”
FASTER: “Who is this Sandman?”
MISS LEIGH: “Better not to ask.”
FASTER: “All of this is very… queer. When am I going home?”
MISS LEIGH: “Home is only a state of mind. Are you going out?”
FASTER: “It’s been a tough day. I thought I might go to the bar across the street.”
MISS LEIGH: “Would you like me to join you?”
FASTER: “I’d like to be alone.”
[CAMERA… Miss Leigh smiles coyly and steps across the room to the door.
MISS LEIGH: “Well, if you need anything, just whistle. You know how to whistle, don’t you?”
FASTER: “No.”
MISS LEIGH: “You just put your lips together and… blow.”
[CAMERA… Miss Leigh opens the door and leaves. Faster smiles and puts his lips together. He blows. No sound comes out of his mouth.


END OF SCENE SEVEN






EIGHTH SCENE

[CAMERA… Shot of title:

A FULL STOMACH

FADE to white. CUT to Faster’s motel room.

LONG SHOT … Faster and Ellen are sitting up in bed, bed sheets up to their necks. There are Chinese food containers all over the bed. They are eating with chop sticks.

MEDIUM SHOT… Ellen wipes her mouth with the bed sheet.

ELLEN: “That’s better. I was starving. I love Chinese. Answer me one question.”
FASTER: “Fire.”
ELLEN: “How did we get here? The last thing I remember is a couple of University students buying me a drink. One of them was named Jake. I love that name. We used to have a dog named Jake. I don’t remember the other’s name. He had terrible breath.”
FASTER: “You don’t remember a thing about this evening?”
ELLEN: “Off and on. I remember an awful taste in my mouth. I thought it was toothpaste, but it was too salty.”
FASTER: “I met you at a bar across the street. You had quite a head start on me. We were having a nice conversation when you passed out. I brought you over here. You don’t remember a thing?”
[CAMERA… Ellen looks under the sheet.
ELLEN: “I take it we made love.”
FASTER: “You were very passionate.”
ELLEN: “I wish I’d been there. Did I say anything… queer?”
FASTER: “You said you discovered something peculiar at the school board this afternoon.”
ELLEN: “There are still people who do not scoop up after their doggies have pooped. People shouldn’t be allowed to have animals in the city if they are not willing to administer to their needs. It’s unsanitary. There are children in the parks. They will put anything in their mouths.”
FASTER: “Do you like children, Ellen?”
ELLEN: “Other people’s. Wouldn’t have one myself. Ruins your figure.”
FASTER: “I’d like to have a family one day.”
ELLEN: “Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
FASTER: “There was something else. Something about Marvellous Educational Supplies and Services.”
ELLEN: “Marvellous? Oh, yes. The teacher’s union is upset that the government is privatizing education. They are especially upset by this new service that Marvellous is offering with supply teachers. There’s a lot of anger out there. I wouldn’t want to be one of those new supply teachers.”
FASTER: “Anger?”
ELLEN: “They think that their jobs may be next. And Marvellous received this contract without a tendor, which is unusual. Did I ever tell you how difficult it is to be a female reporter? If you ask someone a question they think that they can hit on you. I’m sick of it.”
FASTER: “Was there anything else?”
ELLEN: “Did we get fortune cookies?”
FASTER: “They’re here someplace. What else did they say?”
ELLEN: “Here’s one. I’ll assume it’s mine. A stranger holds unwanted surprises. What the hell does that mean? It must be yours.”
FASTER: “You said there was something else.”
ELLEN: “The union has hired some investigation firm to look into Marvellous’s operations.”
FASTER: “Private investigators?”
ELLEN: “You know. Dicks.”
FASTER: “I need a drink.”
ELLEN: “What a wonderful idea. Just don’t think that means that you can try anything funny.”

END OF SCENE EIGHT


NINTH SCENE

[CAMERA… Shot of title:

BEING WATCHED

FADE to white. CUT to LONG SHOT from across the parking lot at Faster’s motel window. There is someone standing outside window looking in.

MEDIUM SHOT of figure in dark, standing in shadows.

CLOSE-UP of Lewis’s face. He is smiling.


END OF SCENE NINE

END OF SECOND EPISODE

The War of 1812

THE SANDMAN PROJECT – Episode One

The War of 1812

INTRODUCTION

[CAMERA… While the credits are rolling, the camera pans across a desk. The desk is messy. On it as permanent features are: a half empty cup of black coffee, an ashtray with cigarette butts spilling over onto the desk, a baseball, a paper mache vase made by a child with plastic flowers in it, several framed pictures containing members of a family, a computer, a monitor running a screen saver, a Save the Seals button, a couple of pens, a laundry receipt, and a clear plastic candy wrapper. Photographs of the main characters of our drama are paper-clipped to folders scattered across the desk. One folder is open. The main character David Faster smiles at the camera. The page opposite is marked up in red ink.

[MUSIC… a harmonica piece in the vein of the Rockford Files plays in the background. Overheard is a taped audio message from the School Board describing Mr. Faster’s supply teaching assignment for that day.

“Mr. Faster. Your assignment today is Our Lady of Lourdes School. You will be replacing Miss Rodriguez’s grade 11 History class. The children are studying the American Civil War. Please have Daniel O’Toole empty his pockets before he enters the class. The metal detectors have been disabled for the last two weeks.”

[CAMERA… After the credits have appeared the screen cuts to white and then slowly copy begins to roll up the screen:

“Government has too long been left

the sole responsibility for the education

of the young people of our province.

The private sector has a role to play

in the future of our nation.

Where better to mould the minds, skills and souls

of our children than in the market place.

The future is too precious to do any less.”

Assistant to the Deputy

Minister of Education

Province of Ontario, 1995

FIRST SCENE

[CAMERA… Shot of opening title:

THE REWARDS OF SIN

FADE to white. CUT to a very tight shot of David Faster’s face. The picture is granular, a black and white image. As David talks the camera slowly pulls back showing that he is in a jail cell and sitting on the edge of his cot. He is wearing a bright orange jail outfit. There are no other colours. The lighting should be stark, making Faster look gaunt and washed out. He is leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees, smoking a cigarette, looking into the camera.

FASTER: “I was not an attractive child. My head was too big. Clamps were used at birth to bring me into this cruel coil. My head looked like a cheap cigar. My head was so big that for the first six months I wore a brace on my neck. But, I ain’t looking for sympathy. My ears stuck out. My parents tried everything to keep them flat including head-bands, chewing gum, and super glue. I suffered from motion sickness. Every time I stepped on a bus, I tossed my lunch. I was the only kid at my school to be banned by the transit system. But, I ain’t looking for sympathy. I had buck teeth. Kids called me Bugs. My father had to take a second job on Saturdays to pay the orthodontist bills. Maybe that’s why he ran out on us. But, I ain’t looking for sympathy. Posture is the mirror of the soul, Mums liked to say. A curved spine reflects a deceitful and slovenly character. People don’t trust the round shouldered. Maybe if I’d had those braces when I was a kid, things would have turned out differently. But, I ain’t looking for excuses. I’ve been put here in this cell to be rehabilitated and rehabilitation begins with the truth. Mums said the truth would set you free. Or at least get you an early parole. Mums was right. She was always right.”

[CAMERA… There is a pause as Faster continues to stare out at us. Off camera someone clears their throat.

FASTER: “The truth is I hate kids. Always have. Hated the little bastards since I was a kid myself. That should have been a clue. Let’s be honest. Most people hate kids. And the ones that hate kids the most are parents. With good reason. But no one admits it. When they’re babies they keep you up half the night. As toddlers they shit on you or anything else in their sights. They don’t call it the terrible twos for nothing. When they’re six years old children become a joy. For about 15 minutes. For the next four years they know everything. Those are the good years. And then the Dark Age begins. Twelve years old and filled with attitude. And it lasts for a decade. I’m never surprised by reports of child abuse. I’m surprised that there is not more of it. Not that I would know. I never had children. Never wanted any. So why did I enter the fulfilling field of education?”

[CAMERA… Faster glances at something or someone off camera.

FASTER: “How was I to know that my decline would begin with my employment at Marvellous Educational Supplies and Services? How does anyone know? At Marvellous we supplied paper, and pencils, desks and staplers, and other necessities to the school boards. I worked in the warehouse, shipping and receiving. And I loved it. Except for the receiving. And the shipping. I have a bad back. But the hours were good. And there were some nice cubby holes in the warehouse where you could catch some valuable sack time. But, I was too ambitious. It blinded me. Earlier this year a minor government official in the Ministry of Education asked our chairman and CEO to organize the part time and long term placement of supply teachers in South West Ontario. The government wanted to privatize all their services and Marvellous Educational Supplies and Services seemed to be the ideal firm to pick up the slack. There was a shortage of qualified replacements in education. I was asked if I wanted to lend assistance. My application said that I was a college graduate. Why not, I thought, take a job babysitting no neck monsters. It beat my pay in shipping and receiving. And how difficult could it be? I should have read the fine print. There was no shortage of supply teachers in the big city. The need was in the tiny hamlets and towns scattered throughout the province. What young man in his prime wants to leave the Greater Metropolitan Toronto Area for the wilderness? There was all that useless open space out there. And the air out there was clean. I love car exhaust. There’s nothing like the rush you get from a black cloud of bus exhaust. And then there was the tranquility of nature. What is life without the symphony of streetcars, air-conditioners, and ambulance sirens? But I was in too deep. Mums made me realize that supply teaching was a marvelous opportunity to advance my prospects. Mums was always right about such things. This time she was wrong.”

[CAMERA… CUT from Faster sitting in his cell to a shot of a ceiling fan moving slowly around.

CUT to a shot from the ceiling down at Mums laying out clothes on a bed and carefully packing them in an open suitcase. Faster sits in a chair in the corner of the room.

CUT to a CLOSE UP of Mums face, red lip stick, a mole with tufts of hair jutting out, thin wrinkled lips wiggling.

MUMS: “Remember David to change your underwear daily. One can’t be too careful. God forgive that you should be in an accident and someone should find stains on your underwear. And mosquito lotion. They had a documentary about the West Nile Virus on the CBC. Peter Mansbridge looked very concerned. And I’ve made you a lunch. Don’t eat in restaurants. No one washes their hands. And don’t drink the water. Remember Walkerton. Use bottle water. And gargle. No one likes bad breath. And floss. But not in public. And above all don’t talk to strange women with queer accents.”

[CAMERA… CUT back to Faster in his jail cell.

FASTER: “Ron Howl, my supervisor, worked out a detailed briefing for me which I attempted to read on the bus. I vomited on the fine print. Completely illegible. There was also a top secret package I was asked to carry. Under no circumstances was I to open it. Someone would be there on my arrival to receive the package.”

[CAMERA… CUT to a shot at the bus terminal, by the open doors of a bus. Mums is hugging Faster. He has his head in her purse. He is vomiting.

CUT to a man in the background smiling. It is Lewis.

CUT to Faster wiping his mouth with his tie. He glances behind him and spots Lewis smiling at him.

FASTER: “Look at the man mums. Doesn’t he look queer?”

[CAMERA… CUT to Mums glancing behind them. She too spots Lewis. He winks at her. She smiles and nods her head.

MUMS: “Life is queer, dear, if you let it.”

[CAMERA… CUT to Faster in his cell staring out at the camera. FADE to white.

END OF THE FIRST SCENE

SECOND SCENE

[CAMERA… Shot of title:

UNDERSTANDING BUS STATION ANNOUNCEMENTS

FADE to white. CUT to post card of a bus terminal.

CUT to long shot of cab pulling up to a curb in front of station. Everything is played out in slapstick. There is no dialogue.

CUT to Faster dragging a huge suitcase out of the trunk of the cab. The driver stands on the curb, his arms crossed. He refuses to help gesturing to his ailing back. Mums stands next to the cab driver chatting and laughing.

CUT to long shot of Faster dragging his bag through the automatic doors that keep opening and shutting on him smacking his bag. Mums stands to one side inside the station, hands on her hips like a drill sergeant barking out orders. Finally Faster makes it through the doors and he drags his bag across the floor of the bus terminal toward a ticket booth. The station is crowded and Faster cannot take a direct route but twists and turns his way across the floor like a computer game. Mums points out directions. During this struggle there are several announcements over the public address system which neither Faster nor anyone else in the terminal appears to hear.

First announcement:

Greyhound Dh43 from Waterloo has been delayed.

There is no cause for alarm.

Officials of Greyhound are currently negotiating with the hijacker.

Family and relatives are advised to return home

and watch for full details on CITY News at six o’clock.

CUT to Faster and Mums at the ticket booth. The agent points upstairs to the second floor. Mums takes a swipe at the agent with her purse. Faster drags Mums away from the booth. She takes a swipe at Faster.

CUT to Faster dragging his suitcase over to an escalator. Faster places his suitcase on the escalator. He takes out a handkerchief to wipe his forehead. Mums starts yelling at Faster and pointing to his suitcase now half way up the escalator. Faster runs up the escalator. As he is about to reach the suitcase it slides back down the escalator. Mums is at the bottom of the escalator.

CUT to a look of terror on Mums face. The suitcase bouncing down the escalator smacks into Mums flattening her. Faster helps Mums to her feet. She pushes him away and takes a swipe at him with her purse.

Second announcement:

Greycoach 123 to London, Ontario has been delayed.

Would the driver of Greycoach 123 please report to Personnel.

It’s a boy, Jack.

CUT to Faster and Mums on the second floor at the ticket booth. The ticket agent is shaking his head and pointing to his watch. Mums is yelling at the agent. As she goes to take a swing at him, Faster grabs her arm. Mums turns on Faster and yells at him. Mums turns to agent. He points downstairs.

CUT to Faster and Mums at the top of the down escalator. Faster steps aside and lets Mums get on first. Mums steps on the escalator. Before Faster can step on the escalator his trousers catch onto the rail. Faster tugs on his trousers but they will not be released. He puts the suitcase on the top step of the escalator and uses both his hands to unhook his pants. The suitcase moves down the escalator. Mums reaches the bottom of the escalator. She turns around. The suitcase now half way down the escalator, tumbles off its step and bounces down the rest of the steps.

CUT of Faster still tugging away at his trousers.

CUT to look of terror on Mums face. The suitcase tumbles down the escalator and wipes Mums out.

CUT to expression of panic on Faster’s face as he looks up and sees the suitcase knocking Mums out.

CUT to Faster’s pants ripping.

CUT to Faster racing down the escalator, his trouser leg ripped to shreds. Faster trips and tumbles down the escalator landing on Mums already flattened out on the floor.

Third announcement:

Calling David Faster.

This is the last call for Greycoach 507 to Guelph.

FADE to white.

END OF SECOND SCENE

THIRD SCENE

[CAMERA… Shot of title:

GREETINGS

FADE to white. CUT to shot of Faster stepping off the bus. When Faster arrives, one of Sandman’s assistants, a Miss Leigh, is there to meet him.

CUT to shot of Faster dragging his bag out of the luggage hold under the bus. The driver stands to one side, gesturing to his back. Faster drags his bag to one side.

CUT to Miss Leigh stepping up and introducing herself to Faster

MISS LEIGH: “Hello. Are you David Faster from Toronto?

[CAMERA… CLOSE UP of Faster raising his eyebrows and smiling. Faster perceives himself as a charming ladies man. Confident in his maleness, Faster adjusts his tie, and winks at the camera.

FASTER: “Yes I am. In the flesh. Of one mind. All hands on deck and how do you do?

[CAMERA…a series of alternating CLOSE-UPS between Faster and Miss Leigh.

MISS LEIGH: “I’m fine thank you. Is there something wrong with your eyes?”

FASTER: “You mean the twinkle?”

MISS LEIGH: “Do you have dust in your eyes? We could go to a drug store and get you eye drops. It’s very painful for me to watch anyone suffer. Mr. Sandman calls it a weakness in my character. He sent me to pick you up. I’m Vivien Leigh. Mr. Sandman regrets that he could not be here himself to welcome you to Guelph. Unfortunately he is out of the country at the time. How was your trip?”

FASTER: “I was sick as a dog. Maybe it was the food at the terminal in Toronto.”

MISS LEIGH: “We could pick up some Gravol while we get you eye drops.”

FASTER: “I’d like to get to the school. This is my first on-call and I don’t want to be late.”

MISS LEIGH laughs: “Don’t worry about that. We have plenty of time. Did you bring the package?”

FASTER nods: “It’s in my suitcase. Somewhere. I’d look for it here but it could make quite a mess.”

MISS LEIGH: “That’s alright. I’ll send your luggage to the motel after we drop you off at your school. You can give it to me later.”

FASTER: “Motel? There’s been some kind of misunderstanding. I was only supposed to come to Guelph for one day.”

[CAMERA…MISS LEIGH steps into the street and hales a cab. Faster drags his suitcase along the ground behind him.

MISS LEIGH: “You’ve been misled, Mr. Faster. You may be gone from Toronto for as much a month.”

FASTER: “A month! That’s not possible. Mums will be horribly upset. Who will take out the garbage?”

END OF THIRD SCENE

FOURTH SCENE

[CAMERA… Shot of title:

A TAPED CONVERSATION

FADE to white… LONG SHOT from street of cab pulling up to the curb. The driver gets out and opens the trunk for Faster. The two men lift Faster’s bag and drop it in the trunk. As Faster is about to get in the back seat of the car with Miss Leigh, they are joined by a the same queer fellow Faster had spotted at the bus terminal in Toronto. Lewis tips his hat. Alternating CLOSE UPS between Lewis, Faster, and Miss Leigh. Lewis taps the shoulder of the cab driver and informs him of his destination.

LEWIS: “Very kind of you to let me share the cab with you. Full marks. Here on holidays with the wife? Lots to see in good old Guelph if you’ve got five minutes.”

FASTER: “Miss Leigh is not my wife.”

[CAMERA… Lewis leers at Miss Leigh then winks at Faster.

LEWIS: “Very good old chap! Nothing like a little romp in good old Guelph! Nothing like it I say.”

[CAMERA… The cab moves off. Leaning over Miss Leigh, Lewis places his hand on her knee, as he speaks in a low serious tone to Faster.

LEWIS: “So you’re going to supply teach in good old Guelph.”

FASTER: “How did you know that?”

LEWIS squeezing Miss Leigh’s knee amorously: “I always wanted to be a teacher. God’s work! Imagine having the power to shape young minds. A full grip on the throat of the future. As a teacher one can really make a difference in this crusty old world. Plus, you get the summers off. What a life, eh? I couldn’t get into teacher’s college. Something about a situation! I never touched those kids! Now they’ve got a restraining order. Can you imagine that? A bloody restraining order. I won’t give into them. I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction!”

FASTER: “Situation?”

LEWIS: “I’m in women’s underwear. The Imperial Lingerie Company of Greater Windsor. Twenty-five years catering to the bottom line. Say your name is Faster. Knew some Fasters in Toledo, Ohio. Tragic story. Wife was injured in a car accident. Sucked right under one of those sixteen wheelers. Completely shaved off her scalp. Miracle she survived. They had to graft hair from other parts of her body. Threw out her curling iron if you catch my meaning, eh Faster!”

FASTER: “I never told you my name.”

LEWIS: “What kind of delicates is the little woman here wearing? Purely a professional interest, I can assure you.”

FASTER: “Miss Leigh is not my wife.”

LEWIS: “You said that already.”

MISS LEIGH: “I don’t wear underwear.”

[CAMERA… There is a long pregnant pause. Faster’s face turns red. The smile on Lewis’s face dissolves into a deep swallow. Miss Leigh smiles coyly. The cab driver sneaks a peak in his rear view mirror. Taking his eyes off the road he manages to swerve at the last minute just missing an old lady pulling a grocery cart across the street. Lewis is pushed across Miss Leigh, his hand sliding up her leg. CLOSE UP of Miss Leigh, her eyes suddenly round.

LEWIS: “Pardon, as the French say.”

MISS LEIGH SMILES

LEWIS: “I say, is that healthy? Aren’t you afraid of catching a draft of cold?”

MISS LEIGH: “I always keep the door shut.”

LEWIS: “Splendid. From a purely self-interest point of view, I hope that doesn’t catch on. I’ll be out of a job.”

[CAMERA… Lewis laughs. Faster and Miss Leigh do not join him. There is another pregnant pause.

LEWIS: “I hope I’m not being too personal Miss Leigh, but are you from Stockholm?”

MISS LEIGH: “Minneapolis.”

LEWIS: “Ah, the northern lights! I’m very interested in the Swedish mind. All that meditation and spiritual rot. Quite fascinating if you don’t mind my saying. Did you know that seventy five percent of the world believes in reincarnation and yet only five percent practice recycling? Well, here’s my stop.”

[CAMERA… Lewis taps the cab driver on the shoulder. The cab pulls over to the curb. Lewis gets out. Once outside Lewis tips his hat to Miss Leigh and Faster.

LEWIS: “Perhaps we’ll meet again. It’s a small town.”

[CAMERA… CUT to the cab moving away from the curb and Lewis standing waving goodbye.

CUT to Faster and Miss Leigh in the cab.

MISS LEIGH: “I’ve seen that face before. I just can’t place it.”

FASTER: “Me too but I don’t know where. Queer fellow. But I won’t forget him again. He stuck us for the ride.”

END OF FOURTH SCENE

FIFTH SCENE

[CAMERA… Shot of title:

ATTENDANCE

FADE to white… CUT to classroom. David Faster stands in front of class filled with students. He clears his throat. Turning to the blackboard he writes his name on the blackboard. The chalk breaks. He bends to pick it up and one of the students rips a piece of paper. Faster believes his trousers have ripped. Rising he blushes. The students break out into laughter. Faster reaches behind to check out his trousers. More laughter. Faster glares out at the class. The laugher subsides. He takes out an attendance sheet from his pocket.

FASTER: “April Chernak.”

There is no response.

FASTER: “Is April here. April is absent. Lawrence Peterson.”

There is no response.

FASTER: “Lawrence is absent. Mary Shay.”

Again, there is no response.

FASTER: “Mary is absent.”

Jack Nile, Abraham Stowkowski, Marianne Oduro. Name after name is greeted with silence.

FASTER: “You can’t all be absent.”

[CAMERA… CUT to classroom door opening. A middle-aged man dressed in a gray suit and a bow tie steps into the room. He looks at Faster.

CUT to Faster. Sweat running down his forehead. The silent class watches as the middle-aged man steps to the front of the room. He walks over to Faster and whispers in his ear.

MIDDLE-AGED MAN: “You’ve got the wrong classroom.”

FASTER blushes: “Oh.”

[CAMERA… follows Faster as he walks across the silent room, opens the door and steps into the hall.

CUT to shot of Faster in the hallway closing the door of the classroom. Laughter breaks out in the classroom behind him.

END OF FIFTH SCENE

SIXTH SCENE

[CAMERA… Shot of title:

CHOOSING A HOTEL

FADE to white…LONG SHOT of a taxi pulling up to the entrance of a motel. Faster steps out of the cab and walks toward the entrance to the motel. MEDIUM SHOT from inside the motel of Faster stepping up to a counter. CLOSE UP of a small hand bell on the desk. MEDIUM SHOT of Faster ringing the bell. From a back room a MOTEL CLERK steps. He is a large ugly man, a bent back, his arms swinging at his side. His brown jacket sleeves are too short. His trousers are three or four inches too short. His brown socks, who have lost their elasticity, fall down over his shoes. His face is large, his jaw jutting out. His eyes are large and he wears a permanent five o’clock shadow. His teeth are sparkling white and perfectly proportioned.

MOTEL CLERK: “May I help you, sir?”

FASTER: “Yes. I hope so. I have a reservation. My name is David Faster.”

The clerk checks a book in front of him on the counter.

MOTEL CLERK: “Ah, yes. Mr. David Foster. A lovely young Swedish woman booked you a room earlier this afternoon.”

FASTER: “It’s Faster.”

MOTEL CLERK: “The young lady said it was Foster. Perhaps I misunderstood her. She had a very queer accent. Sign here please.”

[CAMERA…The clerk turns the book around and hands Faster a pen. Faster signs his name.

FASTER: “Swedish.”

MOTEL CLERK: “Excuse me?”

FASTER: “Her accent. She is Swedish.”

MOTEL CLERK: “Is that so?”

FASTER: “She dropped a suitcase off.”

MOTEL CLERK: “Yes, she did.”

[CAMERA… The clerk points to Faster’s suitcase waiting off to one side.

FASTER: “Could you have the suitcase brought to my room?”

MOTEL CLERK: “Certainly.”

[CAMERA… The clerk rings a bell behind him. Faster waits. Several minutes pass. The clerk in the meantime has turned around and grabbed a key. He hands it to Faster. Faster plays with the key for a few moments. The motel clerk smiles. Faster looks around the office at the posters and pictures on the wall. The motel clerk clears his throat. Faster looks at the clerk, a smile of impatience on his face. When no porter arrives, the clerk roars with laughter, shaking his head with delight.

MOTEL CLERK: “That works every time.”

FASTER: “What works?”

MOTEL CLERK: “I’m the porter.”

[CAMERA… Still chuckling the motel clerk steps out from behind the counter and easily lifts the suitcase. He leads Faster out of the office and down a sidewalk along the motel. He stops at room 211.

MOTEL CLERK: “The key, sir.”

[CAMERA… Faster hands the key to the clerk who puts down the suitcase and opens the door. Faster steps inside the room. The clerk follows with the suitcase.

FASTER: “Very square. I like square rooms. Comforting. We are a species that likes our rectangles.”

MOTEL CLERK: “There is a cash bar in the bedside table. Long distance calls are added to your bill. Use the phone to call for room service. Dial 9 then 6.”

FASTER: “I like the red walls. It’s different. Nothing wrong with being different. One must be flexible, mums always says. That’s a nice painting. Is it one of the Group of Seven?”

[CAMERA… The clerk shrugs. He moves around the room, switching on lights, a radio, air-conditioning, the television.

MOTEL CLERK: “There’s a special station for soft and hard core adult entertainment. Tonight we’re running a series of old I Love Lucy shows. I love that little Ricky. A real fire plug. Don’t have any children of my own. I had a dog named Jack. Good company at night. The boss made me get rid of Jack. Jack was family, but he kept pissing on the rugs. Gave him to my friend, Jesus. He owns a Chinese restaurant around the corner. Good food. I recommend the ribs. Haven’t seen Jack recently at the restaurant. Jesus said he was around somewhere. Behind you is the bathroom with all the modern conveniences. We put one of those fancy French bidets next to the toilet. Wonderful to soak your feet in after a long day. Watch out for the hot water tap. It comes off in your hand sometimes. You like girls?”

FASTER: “I appreciate female company.”

MOTEL CLERK: “Management doesn’t allow female guests in your room after eleven. Unless of course you want to pay for double occupancy.”

FASTER: “Kind of fagged out tonight. It’s been a long day. I’d like to take a warm bath and retire.”

[CAMERA… The clerk hands Faster his key, then waits, his hand still out. Faster looks up at the clerk for several minutes. The clerk waits patiently. A smile comes over Faster as he reaches into his pocket for a tip. He hands the clerk a quarter. The clerk looks at the tip disdainfully and flips it onto the bed. He turns and leaves the room, slamming the door behind him. Faster shrugs his shoulder, turns and picks the quarter off the bed and pockets it. He laughs.

FASTER: “It works every time.”

END OF SIXTH SCENE

SEVENTH SCENE

[CAMERA… Shot of title:

THE WAR OF 1812

FADE to white… LONG SHOT - David Faster stands in front of a class of high school students. He is shuffling some papers on the desk in front of him. He glances at a lesson plan. Stepping out from behind the desk Faster walks down the middle of a row of desks.

FASTER: “Can anyone tell me the causes of the War of 1812?”

[CAMERA… There is silence. Faster points to a young lady near him. She has braces on her teeth and long stringy hair.

GIRL WITH BRACES: “I don’t answer questions. Mrs. Rodriguez doesn’t make me answer questions.”

FASTER: “Why is that?”

GIRL WITH BRACES: “Cause I never know the answer. I get nervous. Mrs. Rodriguez has talked to my mother and she knows.”

[CAMERA… Faster smiles uncomfortably. All the students are looking down at their desks. Faster taps on the desk of a young man with spiked hair. The boy looks up.

BOY WITH SPIKED HAIR: “I guess someone was pissed off.”

FASTER: “Anyone else?”

[CAMERA… A boy with a shaved head puts up his hand. Faster nods toward the boy.

BOY WITH SHAVED HEAD: “Are you an undercover cop?”

END OF SEVENTH SCENE

EIGHTH SCENE

[CAMERA… Shot of title:

MAKING A TELEPHONE CALL

FADE to white…MEDIUM SHOT – David Faster unpacks his bags. He lifts a pair of thermal underwear from his bag. FADE to white… LONG SHOT – David Faster pacing around his room uncertain as to what he should do next. FADE to white… MEDIUM SHOT of Faster on the phone… SPLIT SCREEN with the person on the other end of line.

RECEPTION: “Can you turn that damn thing down! I can hardly hear myself think. Jesus, you’d think you were all deaf! Yes, can I help you?”

FASTER: “This is David Faster…”

RECEPTION: “What! Could you speak up please!”

FASTER: “I’m calling from room 211.”

RECEPTION: “Jesus Christ Almighty, Albert! You forgot to put mustard on my pastrami. You know how dry this rye is without mustard. Don’t you look at me like that!”

FASTER: “My bedside light doesn’t work.”

RECEPTION: “What!”

FASTER: “My bedside light…”

RECEPTION: “I’m not telling you again. Turn that thing down. I am trying to have a conversation with a guest.”

FASTER: “I’d like to get my bedside light fixed.”

RECEPTION: “What’s wrong with it?”

FASTER: “It doesn’t work.”

RECEPTION: “Now don’t you take that attitude with me, sir. I’ve got enough to handle with this gang here without putting up with any abuse…”

[CAMERA… receptionist bites down on a pastrami sandwich. Faster looks at telephone.

FASTER: “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear your last remark. There must be interference on the line. The switch on the light is very hot and I can’t turn the light off. I can’t sleep with a light on.”

RECEPTIONIST: “Pull out the plug, sir.”

FASTER: “Pull out the plug?”

RECEPTIONIST: “Yes, pull out the plug.”

FASTER: “Oh. Thank you.”

[CAMERA… FADE to white… Faster picking up the phone. SPLIT SCREEN again.

FASTER: “This is David Faster in Room 211.”

RECEPTIONIST: “Faster. Room 211.”

FASTER: “It’s quieter now.”

RECEPTIONIST: “Yes. They went out for beer. How can I help you, sir?”

FASTER: “I unpacked my suitcase but there aren’t enough hangers in the closet. I simply must have more hangers.”

RECEPTIONIST: “Hangers?”

FASTER: “Yes. And there’s only one small towel in the washroom.”

RECEPTIONIST: “Only one small towel, sir?”

FASTER: “Yes. I wanted to have a shower but there isn’t any hot water.”

RECEPTIONIST: “No hot water. Then why are you worried about small towels?”

FASTER: “Oh.”

RECEPTIONIST: “It’s those girls in room 120 next to you. They’ve used all the hot water again. I warned them. You can’t imagine how many ways I have warned them. You’re not the first to complain. I can assure you of that, sir. No one can offer a satisfactory explanation to me why every one of their customers needs to have a shower. It’s a shame, a terrible shame. It really is. But, we’re all in the same boat, sir. So let’s make the best of it, shall we? All I can suggest is that you wait until the hot water tanks warm up again, a couple of hours from now or first thing in the morning. The girls never had clients in the morning. Not since dear old Mr. Johnson passed on, bless his soul. I was very fond of Mr. Johnson…”

[CAMERA…the receptionist sniffles and blows her nose

RECEPTIONIST: “I’m sorry sir, the wounds are still too fresh. I can’t talk anymore.”

[CAMERA… FADE to white. Faster picks up the telephone. SPLIT SCREEN.

FASTER: “This is David Faster in…

RECEPTIONIST: “… in room 211. What do you want now?”

FASTER: “I’d like to place a long distance call to Toronto.”

RECEPTIONIST: “Sure you do. But that raises a bit of a problem. We only have the one line and like I say the girls are expecting calls and we don’t like to tie up the line.”

FASTER: “But I need to make a call.”

RECEPTIONIST: “I’m sure you do, Faster. But these girls are trying to eke out a living. And I think that takes some precedence over your personal desires. We all have to make sacrifices. Was there anything else?”

FASTER: “I may be getting a call in the morning. It’s very important that I receive it. It’s about work.”

RECEPTIONIST: “Call in the morning. Well, I don’t see any problem there.”

FASTER: “You won’t forget about my hangers will you? And towels? And pillows?”

RECEPTIONIST: “You didn’t mention pillows.”

FASTER: “I’ve only got one pillow. I simply must have four pillows.”

RECEPTIONIST: “Four pillows! What kind of establishment do you think we’re running here, sir? You’re not planning on having a party, are you, Faster? We can’t allow you to have overnight guests. That is why you are restricted to one pillow. You can not imagine how people of your ilk will abuse that privilege.”

FASTER: “But…”

RECEPTIONIST: “If we give you more than one pillow, everyone in the motel will be asking for extras. Those are the rules, Faster. Without rules, society would disintegrate. Chaos would rule. Are you an anarchist, Faster?”

FASTER: “I just need a couple more pillows. I have post nasal drip and I must keep my head elevated.”

RECEPTIONIST: “Why don’t you roll up the rug, Faster?”

FASTER: “The rug?”

RECEPTIONIST: “And place the shower curtain under you. We don’t want your mucous all over our sheets.”

FASTER: “Could I have some food send over? I’m starving. I haven’t eaten since this morning.”

RECEPTIONIST: “I’m sorry. The kitchen closed not five minutes ago. The chef goes to bingo Monday evenings.”

FASTER: “I don’t think I can make it until morning.”

RECEPTIONIST: “I could send you a sandwich. Half a sandwich. Pastrami on rye. We’re out of mustard.”

END OF EIGHTH SCENE

NINTH SCENE

[CAMERA… Shot of title:

WASHROOM VISITS

FADE to white… LONG SHOT - Faster sitting behind a teacher’s desk at the front of a classroom. Students are quietly working away at questions that have been written on the blackboard. A student with spiked hair puts up his hand. Faster looks up from the textbook he has been reading.

FASTER: “Yes, Lauren.”

SPIKED HAIR STUDENT: “It’s Laura.”

FASTER: “What do you want, Laura?”

LAURA: “Can I go to the washroom?”

FASTER: “No.”

LAURA: “No?”

FASTER: “You’ve already been to the washroom three times. I think it’s time you did some work.”

LAURA: “I’ve got diarrhea.”

END OF NINTH SCENE

TENTH SCENE

[CAMERA… Shot of title:

DISCUSSING DIFFICULTIES AT

MARVELLOUS EDUCATIONAL SUPPLIES AND SERVICES

FADE to white… This scene should be shot from very low and up at an angle so that the ceiling is in each shot. This gives the characters the look of giants. The ceiling should appear to be only a few inches above their heads. There is light coming in from a window making the characters appear to be dissolving in shadows and bright light. LONG SHOT from the corner of room with Bill Marvellous center stage, smoking a cigar, sitting in his chair, feet propped up on his desk, while Ron Howl paces back and forth in front of his desk. There is a look of smug amusement on Bill Marvellous’s face.

MARVELLOUS: “Harry, Harry, Harry!”

HOWL: “The name is Ron, Bill. Ron Howl”

MARVELLOUS: “Of course it is. Just messing with you, Harry.”

HOWL: “What?”

MARVELLOUS: “Lighten up, my good friend. What happened to that light hearted spirit we at Marvellous Educational Supplies and Services have come to know and love? Eh? What happened to your sense of humour, Harry?”

[CAMERA… CLOSE UP of Ron Howl. His black pupils are dissolving in the whites of his eyes. He turns his eyes like a gun on his partner.

HOWL: “Lighten up! Don’t you think that I’d like to lighten up? I am being buried beneath a mountain of debt. Who renovates a new house? Five thousand dollars a month for the mortgage. The wife wasn’t satisfied with two washrooms. We needed three. We could have rented a Johnny-on-the-spot and put it in the garage. And three teenagers. The closest thing I get to a smile is a sneer. In the house three months and we’re short of closet space. We don’t wash clothes in our house; we buy new ones. Two of those kids have braces. Do you have any idea what orthodontists are pulling down these days? Six figures. Building empires out of bridges. And the girl refuses to brush her teeth. It takes three of us to hold down the little bitch while we floss her teeth. And the wife wants to entertain. Entertain! What’s the point of having a huge new home, the wife argues, if we don’t show it off. The wife rented a guy to play a few tunes on the piano. Two hundred dollars a song! I lost a small fortune in encores. Classical music. That’s what he advertised. Everything was Montavoni. And my youngest son has become a born again Christian. Walks around the house naked. Gave all his clothes to the Goodwill. The clothes I bought. Brand name labels. The homeless are better dressed than I am.”

MARVELLOUS: “Calm down, Harry. You’re working yourself into a heart attack.”

HOWL: “It’s Ron for Christ’s sake. We can’t afford this Sandman Project. It’s too damn risky and I’m in no position to take a bath. Last week, the wife bought a hot tub. I told her, Phyllis, this isn’t California. This is Canada. We use the bathtub. You should see my water bills. Any more surprises from her and I swear, Bill, I’ll kill her. I’ll strangle Phyllis with my bare hands. And now this Sandman Project. What do we know about this – Sandman?”

MARVELLOUS EXAMINING HIS CIGAR: “Sandman has been doing business in Guelph since the war.”

HOWL: “What, the war of 1812?”

MARVELLOUS: “The guy is smooth, Harry. No one has laid a glove on him. Not a touch of scandal. Not even a parking ticket. He is a man you cannot help but admire. A man’s man. Besides, we didn’t get to where we are now without taking some chances. Life is filled with risk.”

HOWL: “I don’t like it, Bill. We were doing very well skimming off money from school supplies. Less lead in the pencils. Shorter rulers. One ply toilet paper. But this… Something fishy about it. I’ve got a nose for these things, Bill, and this has disaster written all over it. Trafficking drugs using supply teachers? I don’t like it. An operation like this is only good as long as you can keep it a secret. And how long will it be until the other bosses find out about it and want a piece of the action?”

MARVELLOUS: “Which is why we’re sending this kid Faster out on a test run.”

HOWL: “Who is this Faster? What do we know about him?”

MARVELLOUS: “I’ve known his mother for years. She got some smarts and some of them must have rubbed off on the boy. Hell, I didn’t even know she had a kid.”

[CAMERA… MEDIUM SHOT of Howl falling into a seat opposite Marvellous. CLOSE UP of Howl.

HOWL SMILES: “I really admire you, Bill. Always have every base covered. Never lose your cool. Always in control.

[CAMERA… CLOSE UP of Marvellous and then alternating close ups between the two men.

MARVELLOUS: “Thank you, Harry. But you see there is nothing to worry about. The kid, Faster, knows absolutely nothing about what he’s getting into. If the worst happens and someone lands on him, nothing will fall back on us. We’ll claim he was free lancing.”

HOWL: “You didn’t tell him anything?”

MARVELLOUS: “Nothing.”

HOWL: “Nothing.”

MARVELLOUS: “Zip.”

[CAMERA… LONG SHOT of Howl and Marvellous breaking out into laughter. Alternating CLOSE UPS of Marvellous then Howl laughing. CLOSE UPS of their mouths. Rapidly increasing cuts between the two mouths laughing. Laughter growing louder and louder with each cut. CUT to black and silence.

END OF SCENE

END OF FIRST EPISODE